Life Talk: Beware of People Pleasers, The Cloaked Energy Vampire
You too can lose yourself in the inauthenticity of People Pleasers.
Remember when you were in junior high, or high school, and it was pivotal that we had tons of friends? Remember how important it was back then to be at the top of the popular or social totem pole? We felt that it set the stage for our self identity, and self worth. In truth, what we were doing was really detaching from our authenticity more and more each day.
But, then we become adults. Remember when our elders told us as children, “enjoy being a kid, don’t be in a hurry to grow up. Being an adult is not all you think it is?” Well, I absolutely get it now. Don’t get me wrong, life as an adult certainly has beautiful and breathtaking moments too, but there’s more twists, drops, and turns on this part of the ride to say the least.
Hello True Self, My Old Friend
Being popular, and having a very high friend count is no longer a concern as an adult. This is because as we experience more, as we fall, get back up, try again, fail, succeed, cry, laugh, scream, smile, celebrate, etc. we become acquainted again with our authentic self. As we get older we shed layers of societal norms established upon us, and align back with our true self. We become aware of what really matters in our own lives, and what is truly in our best interest. We give our time only to what helps us grow, and invites sincere joy into our hearts.
The Cloaked People Pleaser
Unfortunately, not all adults reach this level of self awareness. Some do stay stuck in the social/popularity totem pole from junior high and high school. But, now as an adult that is called a “people pleaser.”
By definition, a people pleaser is:
a person who puts others needs ahead of their own. This type of person is highly attuned to others and often seen as agreeable, helpful, and kind, but people-pleasers can also have trouble advocating for themselves, which can lead to a harmful pattern of self-sacrifice or self-neglect.
People pleasers see themselves as very caring, helpers, generous doers. But, because they do this so much, they have clung to people pleasing as their self identity. They don’t attune with their authentic and true self ever (unless they put in the work to heal from this appropriately). The more they do, do, do, for others, the farther they are from themselves and their core.
Caution: People Pleasers Are Energy Vampires
For the most part, people pleasers developed this toxic habit because their self worth and self esteem did not develop correctly. Somewhere along the way, they could have experienced some kind of trauma that deviated their path in life. Therefore, detaching from themselves, and attaching to the service, joy, and success of others becomes their validation mechanism.
Of course, people pleasers mean well, and we should never treat them with disrespect, but we do have to be cautious of the effect they can have on our energy. Their level of persistence is very high. They also tend to have over the top personalities where normal is for example, a ‘5’, and they are always at a ‘20’. This can consume your energy a lot, making your feel emotionally exhausted. Their extreme kindness can feel overwhelming, and make your relationship with a people pleaser feel like a burden, not fruitful and enjoyable.
I never encourage rudeness, so the best thing to do with a people pleaser that is sucking your energy levels down, is to set boundaries with them. Slowly, take steps back, and your interaction with them will decrease. Naturally, they won’t feel validation with you anymore because they aren’t covering you in their people pleasing spawn. So, they will move on to other individuals who allows their people pleasing full throttle, and feeds their self validation.
You Over Them
During adulthood, life speeds up a lot more, so you must be careful where your energy, time, and efforts go. With people pleasers, the foundation of their bad habit is that they neglect themselves entirely thinking that’s a good thing. But, look where that gets them.
It’s in your absolute best interest to care for yourself, and put yourself first. Check in regularly with your mind and heart - this is where grounding and meditation comes in. It’s a must. If anything or anyone comes into your life that is detached from authenticity, it will drain out your authenticity. Therefore, cutting out people pleasers gently from your life is important for your inner peace, and evolving as a person. Don’t become trapped as people pleasers have.
How To Decipher A Nice Person, Over A People Pleaser
Many times people misinterpret a people pleaser for someone who is simply very nice. A people pleaser will be overly nice, because they will be very persistent with their offerings, favors, tasks, gifts, communication. You’ll find yourself in a spot where your privacy is shrinking because they are taking over it.
Life is not meant to feel heavy. It’s supposed to flow freely. Don’t get sucked in by people pleasers in cloaks of niceness. Healthy connections in life are ones that know and respect boundaries. They honor your peace, and help you become a better person.