Life Talk: People Don't Change, You Outgrow Them As You Heal
Those that you lost touch with, or can no longer connect with completely were part of a life lesson, not the plan.
This week I started thinking about some of the people I once had a strong friendship with. Some, I was great friends with during high school, some in college. But, some I also met as an adult.
I think it’s only natural to question if the problem was me. But, for some years now I stopped asking that question in regards to people from my past. Ever since I reached the catalyst in my life which lead me towards my healing and personal growth journey, I know that even what once was a great friendship, can’t always last forever. We are are all on different paths and life plans. Some people continuously evolve during the journey, but some stay stagnant and continue life in a constant 2 Dimensional way.
Your Outgrowth Is A Good Thing
People don’t change and become less of a friend to you. YOU actually outgrow them because you are maturing, strengthening, and evolving your soul. Life’s journey is all about lessons and growth. Some people realize this in their lifetime, but some coast on by til the very end never knowing that key element of information.
If you’re reading this, you ARE one that did get the memo —— you are not just coasting by. You understand that you’re here to learn and grow.
No Need For Resentment
Don’t be upset or disappointed with the people that you can no longer connect with the way you used to, or the ones that just vanished. Instead, be grateful that they came into your life —— if they hadn’t, you would have never learned the lessons that would become your launch pads towards a better and true YOU.
Sometimes people come into our lives as lessons for us, not permanent residence. The trick is to learn how to decipher which people in your life are lessons, and which are permanent residents…
People Who Were/Are Lessons:
You are able to connect with them with your whole being only sometimes. Other times you find yourself unable to relate to what they say, how they are saying it, what they like, what they don’t like, their thoughts, etc.
You feel completely exhausted after spending time with them.
When you get together with them, the majority of the conversation is led by them, and about them and their life.
When they ask you a question about your life, it’s based on their critique and opinion about you.
They never compliment you.
They’re only fully present in conversation when they are talking about themselves, but not when you are speaking to them.
They never go out of their way for you.
They never think of you when you’re not in their presence.
You’ll never receive random acts of kindness from them.
People Who Are Permanent Residents In Your Life:
They always make themselves available with long or short notice whenever you need them.
Conversation with them is always evenly distributed - 50% about them, 50% about YOU.
You always feel enlightened, joyful, invigorated while spending time with them, and after.
They always build you up, never tear you down. Feedback or advice from them is always constructive and valuable.
They treat and celebrate your wins as if they were their own.
You both align when you speak about personal growth.
They value your experiences, your journey, your accomplishments, your plans.
They always express their genuine love and gratitude for you.
Here’s The Win…
Life is short, therefore one of the greatest gifts you could receive is the ability to know who’s a keeper in your life, and who’s not. But, for those that are not, appreciate the lessons they provided you with. Bad or good, they polished you up to be even better and wiser. They assisted in your growth. They nudged you towards the track of your authentic self, which will lead towards those “permanent residents” in your life. So, even the estranged people from your life served some good. The truth is, we might have been a little lost without them. Their inauthenticity or lack of growth helped us steer towards what is meant for us, and what serves our highest good. The destination is a place where we are empowered, thriving, and fully supported by those people that are sincerely here for us.
No need to hold any grudge towards the people who fell out of your life. They taught us the right lesson, while they may get to the end never learning anything at all.